When catching up with family and friends during the holiday season, the difficulties of the past year became a reoccurring theme. This past year, it seems, was an unusually rough one, for both myself and those whom I love.
In my mailbox this morning was a quote, sent to me by my friend Magda from Krakow.
"For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's
words await another voice. (...) And to make an end is to make a
beginning."
-- T.S. Eliot
Sometimes, we hear exactly what we need to hear, at the exact time that we need to hear it. Whether or not we actually listen to these words -- God's cleverly placed advice -- is a personal decision with obvious ramifications.
In the spirit of T.S Eliot's words, I would like to wish all of you a new year full of peace, joy, faith, prosperity, and love. May 2008 be a great year for us all.
Keep listening.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
A Real Silent Night
The candles burn low, their sweet smell mingling with the scent of baking fish, simmering cabbage, and baking sweets. As my family waits for the first star, the beginning of a real 'silent night' is taking place.
As a child, I was shocked to discover that most Americans, contrary to the suggestion of the Church and the traditions around the world, really didn't celebrate Christmas Eve. I think I've grown up -- and continue to have -- a Christmas Eve experience that would have made Jesus himself smile -- and so as a gift to my friends, I write about it here for you.
It begins with a lot of work -- my mother cooks and bakes for about two days. The Polish Christmas-Eve vigil includes twelve meatless dishes symbolizing the twelve disciples. Fish is served in various guises along with other traditional fare. Hay is placed beneath the tablecloth to symbolize the manger (a hangover from an older pagan tradition,) and an extra plate is set for the "wayward traveler."
Throughout the day and as preparations continue, the mood in our home is bittersweet. Looking up at the clock, my parents can't hide their melancholy when they see the clock strike the time of their vigil meals back home. We can't help but feel that we are participating in a global event, celebrating with our families overseas, as well as the souls of the departed. (In fact, every year we have strange occurrences which we have since chalked up to our late grandparents coming in to check up on us! ;)
When the first star is visible (on clear nights) we begin the vigil with a prayer, followed by the exchange of blessed wafers. Wafers arrive by mail from family and friends from around the world, with wishes attached. As each family member breaks off a piece of the other's wafers, heartfelt wishes are exchanged.
In our family, the meal begins with a red borsch, a tangy yet sparse dish which my mother makes exceedingly well. We partake of all of the dishes at the table, followed by traditional deserts -- poppy-seed pudding, Piernik cake, and a very healthy serving of wine. The meal is simple, delicate, yet very satisfying.
After the meal, carols are sung and presents exchanged. Simple time is spent with family, away from the television, until people drift off to sleep. Sometime around 10:30 or 11pm, everyone is roused and we go to attend a midnight mass together. In recent years, we've made the trek to St. John Cantius in downtown Chicago. It is a glorious old Church where the majesty of the body of Christ and his Ancient Church can be fully felt. Between the pomp and circumstance, the glorious music, the depth of the Latin Mass, and a full and devoted congregation, it is the perfect way to cap an already magical evening. Sitting in St. John's, it's easy to forget that you live in the 21st century.
For me, our Christmas "Wigilia" is a mercifully traditional and ancient exchange of tradition, as well as an event that I look forward to throughout the year. For most Poles, it is the evening on which the entire year turns. I can't help but think that such a tradition has all the mood and reverence that Christmas Eve -- the evening which commemorates the birth of Christ -- truly deserves.
I wish you all a blessed Christmas season, spent with those most important to you. Most of all, I wish you all a true, reverent, and SILENT night.
As a child, I was shocked to discover that most Americans, contrary to the suggestion of the Church and the traditions around the world, really didn't celebrate Christmas Eve. I think I've grown up -- and continue to have -- a Christmas Eve experience that would have made Jesus himself smile -- and so as a gift to my friends, I write about it here for you.
It begins with a lot of work -- my mother cooks and bakes for about two days. The Polish Christmas-Eve vigil includes twelve meatless dishes symbolizing the twelve disciples. Fish is served in various guises along with other traditional fare. Hay is placed beneath the tablecloth to symbolize the manger (a hangover from an older pagan tradition,) and an extra plate is set for the "wayward traveler."
Throughout the day and as preparations continue, the mood in our home is bittersweet. Looking up at the clock, my parents can't hide their melancholy when they see the clock strike the time of their vigil meals back home. We can't help but feel that we are participating in a global event, celebrating with our families overseas, as well as the souls of the departed. (In fact, every year we have strange occurrences which we have since chalked up to our late grandparents coming in to check up on us! ;)
When the first star is visible (on clear nights) we begin the vigil with a prayer, followed by the exchange of blessed wafers. Wafers arrive by mail from family and friends from around the world, with wishes attached. As each family member breaks off a piece of the other's wafers, heartfelt wishes are exchanged.
In our family, the meal begins with a red borsch, a tangy yet sparse dish which my mother makes exceedingly well. We partake of all of the dishes at the table, followed by traditional deserts -- poppy-seed pudding, Piernik cake, and a very healthy serving of wine. The meal is simple, delicate, yet very satisfying.
After the meal, carols are sung and presents exchanged. Simple time is spent with family, away from the television, until people drift off to sleep. Sometime around 10:30 or 11pm, everyone is roused and we go to attend a midnight mass together. In recent years, we've made the trek to St. John Cantius in downtown Chicago. It is a glorious old Church where the majesty of the body of Christ and his Ancient Church can be fully felt. Between the pomp and circumstance, the glorious music, the depth of the Latin Mass, and a full and devoted congregation, it is the perfect way to cap an already magical evening. Sitting in St. John's, it's easy to forget that you live in the 21st century.
For me, our Christmas "Wigilia" is a mercifully traditional and ancient exchange of tradition, as well as an event that I look forward to throughout the year. For most Poles, it is the evening on which the entire year turns. I can't help but think that such a tradition has all the mood and reverence that Christmas Eve -- the evening which commemorates the birth of Christ -- truly deserves.
I wish you all a blessed Christmas season, spent with those most important to you. Most of all, I wish you all a true, reverent, and SILENT night.
A Short Thought Sometime Past Midnight
Yesterday I stared into darkness. Yesterday a friend told me that perception of soul, inspiration, or prayer was merely all a chemical reaction. This friend told me that poetry and lyricism was not essential to life, that reading the classics was worthless, that philosophy was mostly useless, and that all human endeavor was merely an outgrowth of the instinct of survival. Science was the answer, and those who doubted what science could answer had merely to take a few courses and unhinge their ignorance.
I stared into the darkness of such a perspective, and despite my bewilderment, I found myself moved to doubt by the force of this friend's personality.
I prayed.
Today, I spoke to an English teacher who believed in his quest to teach poetic perception to his students. I met a mathematician with an unflinching faith in Christ. And in the small hours of the early morning, I set the words "lumen ad revelationum" to music, a poignant statement after days of fruitless creative work.
Yes, I doubt. Sometimes, it seems too fantastic to be possible. Other times, God seems far too silent to be real. Then, at 3:30 in the morning, he speaks to me in the lower registers of my thought, and my doubt melts.
I stared into the darkness of such a perspective, and despite my bewilderment, I found myself moved to doubt by the force of this friend's personality.
I prayed.
Today, I spoke to an English teacher who believed in his quest to teach poetic perception to his students. I met a mathematician with an unflinching faith in Christ. And in the small hours of the early morning, I set the words "lumen ad revelationum" to music, a poignant statement after days of fruitless creative work.
Yes, I doubt. Sometimes, it seems too fantastic to be possible. Other times, God seems far too silent to be real. Then, at 3:30 in the morning, he speaks to me in the lower registers of my thought, and my doubt melts.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Americans: The Final Consumer Product
I-Pods are not the hottest consumer item up for grabs in America this Christmas season. Neither are PS-3's, items from Victoria's Secret, or that Lexus you wish you could stick a giant red ribbon on. The single greatest and most fought-over product is...
you.
That's right. A culture based on consumption needs active consumers in order to survive and thrive.
Add to this a simple fact: a culture based on consumption is a culture fueled by greed. Those profiting from greed are also slaves to it: meaning that survival is not enough. Consumption must be increased, in order for the economic elements to continue to expand.
Some of you are thinking along the lines of: "So, Mark, you think America is run by greedy corporations who wish to enslave our minds in order to turn an ever-greater profit? Sounds like an overstated conspiracy."
That's exactly what I believe. Take a few blanket examples, for starters:
1.) I-Pods. A cultural revolution. There are other mp3 players, but self-respecting people -- those in the "know" and in the "cool" -- will only purchase the I-Pod brand.
2.) Gas Prices. The price of gas has been purposefully moved around for two reasons: first, to gauge the breaking-point in American response to price-gouging, as well as to desensitize us to high prices by temporarily posting even higher prices, telling us to be glad that things have gotten better when we fall closer to the 3-dollar mark once again.
3.) The complete refusal of large companies to invest in new forms of fuel while the older, more expensive variety is still available. If countries such as New Zealand and Brazil are becoming energy independent, why are we still slaves to Saudi oil barons?
4.) Our food supply. Take sources, toxins, price, and the prevalence of food-related diseases such as diabetes in America, and no more need be said.
5.) The entertainment industry. In the 1980's and early 90's, MTV showed us that Americans can be slowly but surely reprogrammed in their thought patterns by quasi-thought presented in glitzy-television style. What has happened since is tragic, predictable and transparent for anyone who has managed to maintain a detached perspective.
6.) The automotive industry, and marketing of unnecessarily large (and overpriced) vehicles to the American population. See also points 2 and 3.
7.) The medical industry, and how it has turned the care of human suffering into a lucrative business. Most Americans don't realize that embryonic stem-cell research was being pushed by private interests in the political arena, not because it is capable of miracle cures foreign to other research, but because the methods of utilizing it were patented and therefore of great potential profit to those corporations owning the patents. An entire nation was duped in this issue, also proving that most Americans have become sufficiently blind to research the issue on their own (see, point #5.)
8.) Cancer and diabetes "research." I cringe whenever I see a doctor or dietitian suggest snacks such as mass-produced candy and foods full of hydrogenated oils as part of a "well-balanced diet," or suggest that organic foods are no healthier than their Wal-Mart brand counterparts. After all, if the treatment of cancer and diabetes is a multi-billion dollar industry, why criticize the foods which help cause such diseases? Considering the money made from these forms of human misery, do you honestly think a cure will ever be released?
Think me paranoid or over-analyzing if you will, but I will propose the following: you are the greatest consumer product in America. You -- a human being -- are the item bought, sold, and manipulated by the pixels before your eyes.
If you disagree or doubt, then I pose the following challenge: tomorrow, leave your political beliefs and consumerist tastes at home. Step back from every situation you encounter, and view it through the lens I have proposed with this article. The experience will surely change you. (Unless, of course, you don't desire such an unpleasant change... which is exactly what the consumerist moguls are counting on.)
you.
That's right. A culture based on consumption needs active consumers in order to survive and thrive.
Add to this a simple fact: a culture based on consumption is a culture fueled by greed. Those profiting from greed are also slaves to it: meaning that survival is not enough. Consumption must be increased, in order for the economic elements to continue to expand.
Some of you are thinking along the lines of: "So, Mark, you think America is run by greedy corporations who wish to enslave our minds in order to turn an ever-greater profit? Sounds like an overstated conspiracy."
That's exactly what I believe. Take a few blanket examples, for starters:
1.) I-Pods. A cultural revolution. There are other mp3 players, but self-respecting people -- those in the "know" and in the "cool" -- will only purchase the I-Pod brand.
2.) Gas Prices. The price of gas has been purposefully moved around for two reasons: first, to gauge the breaking-point in American response to price-gouging, as well as to desensitize us to high prices by temporarily posting even higher prices, telling us to be glad that things have gotten better when we fall closer to the 3-dollar mark once again.
3.) The complete refusal of large companies to invest in new forms of fuel while the older, more expensive variety is still available. If countries such as New Zealand and Brazil are becoming energy independent, why are we still slaves to Saudi oil barons?
4.) Our food supply. Take sources, toxins, price, and the prevalence of food-related diseases such as diabetes in America, and no more need be said.
5.) The entertainment industry. In the 1980's and early 90's, MTV showed us that Americans can be slowly but surely reprogrammed in their thought patterns by quasi-thought presented in glitzy-television style. What has happened since is tragic, predictable and transparent for anyone who has managed to maintain a detached perspective.
6.) The automotive industry, and marketing of unnecessarily large (and overpriced) vehicles to the American population. See also points 2 and 3.
7.) The medical industry, and how it has turned the care of human suffering into a lucrative business. Most Americans don't realize that embryonic stem-cell research was being pushed by private interests in the political arena, not because it is capable of miracle cures foreign to other research, but because the methods of utilizing it were patented and therefore of great potential profit to those corporations owning the patents. An entire nation was duped in this issue, also proving that most Americans have become sufficiently blind to research the issue on their own (see, point #5.)
8.) Cancer and diabetes "research." I cringe whenever I see a doctor or dietitian suggest snacks such as mass-produced candy and foods full of hydrogenated oils as part of a "well-balanced diet," or suggest that organic foods are no healthier than their Wal-Mart brand counterparts. After all, if the treatment of cancer and diabetes is a multi-billion dollar industry, why criticize the foods which help cause such diseases? Considering the money made from these forms of human misery, do you honestly think a cure will ever be released?
Think me paranoid or over-analyzing if you will, but I will propose the following: you are the greatest consumer product in America. You -- a human being -- are the item bought, sold, and manipulated by the pixels before your eyes.
If you disagree or doubt, then I pose the following challenge: tomorrow, leave your political beliefs and consumerist tastes at home. Step back from every situation you encounter, and view it through the lens I have proposed with this article. The experience will surely change you. (Unless, of course, you don't desire such an unpleasant change... which is exactly what the consumerist moguls are counting on.)
My favorite musical discovery of the year
Following the bluesy yet abstract sounding rock-organ lick, the glorious voice entered somewhere between a pulsating baritone and a rollicking tenor:
"Strange is this world."
Only, he was singing in Polish: "Dziwny jest swiat..."
I'm embarrassed to say that I've only recently discovered the music of Czeslaw Niemen. Since then, I've listened to numerous works by him, and I've grown convinced that he is one of the greatest singer-songwriters of the 20th century.
Perhaps the term "singer-songwriter" is a bit weak, as he comes across as more of a warrior-poet with a mean blues-organ. His songs move effortlessly between the deep folk sentiments of the Slavs, to a more gritty American blues, to gestures and textures any Western Prog outfit would be quite happy to have written. His voice is sonorous, expansive, and bearing an expressive quality that few -- if any -- in any pop genre today could even hope to imitate.
I will hesitantly compare him to Prince... but only after you add expression, take away pop-pandering, increase the depth of lyrical meaning, and mercifully replace the asexual posturing with some genuinely manly musicianship.
Most importantly, Niemen's music and lyrics came from deep within the Polish poetic tradition, ensuring him an artistic immortality impossible for the average pop writer. Poetry is the language of God and truth, and Niemen spoke it well.
If this man had only spoken clean English, he would have gone down as one of the greatest popular musicians in history. Instead, American companies rejected his style and his accent, and his Canadian English-language effort fell predictably flat.
Thanks to the internet, you can now discover yet another bypassed musical talent, regardless of what the floundering labels might want you to think.
A youtube link follows, then, from which you can also access a live performance. The song, "Dziwny jest ten swiat," speaks of the strangeness of any world in which one man can work to harm another, claiming that the challenge of our times is to rid ourselves of hate.
Enjoy, my friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzACDJCfQvs&feature=related
"Strange is this world."
Only, he was singing in Polish: "Dziwny jest swiat..."
I'm embarrassed to say that I've only recently discovered the music of Czeslaw Niemen. Since then, I've listened to numerous works by him, and I've grown convinced that he is one of the greatest singer-songwriters of the 20th century.
Perhaps the term "singer-songwriter" is a bit weak, as he comes across as more of a warrior-poet with a mean blues-organ. His songs move effortlessly between the deep folk sentiments of the Slavs, to a more gritty American blues, to gestures and textures any Western Prog outfit would be quite happy to have written. His voice is sonorous, expansive, and bearing an expressive quality that few -- if any -- in any pop genre today could even hope to imitate.
I will hesitantly compare him to Prince... but only after you add expression, take away pop-pandering, increase the depth of lyrical meaning, and mercifully replace the asexual posturing with some genuinely manly musicianship.
Most importantly, Niemen's music and lyrics came from deep within the Polish poetic tradition, ensuring him an artistic immortality impossible for the average pop writer. Poetry is the language of God and truth, and Niemen spoke it well.
If this man had only spoken clean English, he would have gone down as one of the greatest popular musicians in history. Instead, American companies rejected his style and his accent, and his Canadian English-language effort fell predictably flat.
Thanks to the internet, you can now discover yet another bypassed musical talent, regardless of what the floundering labels might want you to think.
A youtube link follows, then, from which you can also access a live performance. The song, "Dziwny jest ten swiat," speaks of the strangeness of any world in which one man can work to harm another, claiming that the challenge of our times is to rid ourselves of hate.
Enjoy, my friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzACDJCfQvs&feature=related
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Losing your Mind in America
I've been reflecting on the latest string of shootings rocking America, thinking how to present my perspective on the issue. Then comes an interview with Colorado Archbishop Chaput -- one of the smartest men I've ever met -- and I hear my words spoken for me.
***
(From the CNA article)
When asked if the shootings are a reflection of anything in the larger American society, Archbishop Chaput said the events should teach Americans to be less self-centered. “We can't as a country stay on our course of self-absorption, callousness toward the poor and weak, and consumer excess, and then pretend to be shocked when people lose their balance and lash out violently. The farther away we get from our religious and moral identity, the fewer constraints we have on our choices and behaviors. Violence happens when we lack the interest and conscience to understand the damage we can do to others. That's the kind of society we're building.”
***
***
(From the CNA article)
When asked if the shootings are a reflection of anything in the larger American society, Archbishop Chaput said the events should teach Americans to be less self-centered. “We can't as a country stay on our course of self-absorption, callousness toward the poor and weak, and consumer excess, and then pretend to be shocked when people lose their balance and lash out violently. The farther away we get from our religious and moral identity, the fewer constraints we have on our choices and behaviors. Violence happens when we lack the interest and conscience to understand the damage we can do to others. That's the kind of society we're building.”
***
Monday, December 10, 2007
Oprah and the Golden Compass
I always knew there was something fishy about Oprah -- through all the charitable giving and heart-warming television programming, I couldn't help but think that she was a bit naive. Her recent actions have removed all doubt.
Thank you, Oprah, for supporting America's most clueless Presidential candidate. I've read your snippets about his "vision" and leadership potential, but have yet to hear anything about experience, public policy, and his stand on the issues that matter.
I believe that Oprah will be the litmus test for modern democracy -- are voters really stupid enough to listen to her? Every speech this woman gives, every vote she earns, is only further proof that our national elections have degenerated into nothing more than a shallow popularity contest. This twit is on the road promoting the worst that democrats have to offer, and meanwhile Americans continue to ignore the best candidates we've seen in many years.
Educated democrats need to ask themselves if they are really willing to support the same candidate that Oprah is supporting.
It could be worse, however: at least she is not RUNNING for President herself.
And now on to "His Dark Materials."
I've been disturbed to see the Hollywood spin on this trilogy, describing it as a story about religion and a good fantasy film. A facebook group has even sprung up, called "Boycott the Boycotting of The Golden Compass." They claim that if you google the film, you will "see the ignorance," and that "atheists can write could fantasy as well."
Well, I googled it. What I found were major Secular/Atheist organizations griping that the book's "important anti-religious text and imagery" was largely absent from the film. I found quotes from the book which can only qualify as blatantly anti-Christian and anti-religious in general. I found an eloquent argument by Catholic league President Donohue, who more than justifies the need for a boycott on these films.
"Have you read it, Mark?"
Nope. I don't read every piece of crap churned out by quasi-intellectuals trying to damage the Church.
I will take another perspective on this issue. I first read "The Lord of the Rings" in the 8th grade, and the effect it had on me was profound. At the time, I had no idea I was being inculcated with virtues of manliness, faith, friendship, and courage, and idealism. All I knew is that the books spoke to the little man in me, and gave me permission to become a better version of myself. They also fired my imagination in a new way, and opened the door wide to a life of creativity.
We should not underestimate the power of stories -- they have the potential to shape and change lives. Hopefully, these changes are for the better. When they weren't writing them, both Lewis and Tolkien spoke and wrote extensively on the power of "faerie" stories. Lewis believed that stories could speak in a way that moved beyond philosophy and reason, expressing truth at the soul-level.
With the reams and reams of quality fantasy available to young readers, the atheist ravings of Pullman have no space on the bookshelf in any child's room. Bravo to the boycott, I say.
Just remember this: it is NEVER "just" a story, "just" a movie, or "just" a song. Meanings carry more deeply, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.
I just hope that Oprah doesn't add Pullman to her book club. Her Dark Materials, indeed.
Thank you, Oprah, for supporting America's most clueless Presidential candidate. I've read your snippets about his "vision" and leadership potential, but have yet to hear anything about experience, public policy, and his stand on the issues that matter.
I believe that Oprah will be the litmus test for modern democracy -- are voters really stupid enough to listen to her? Every speech this woman gives, every vote she earns, is only further proof that our national elections have degenerated into nothing more than a shallow popularity contest. This twit is on the road promoting the worst that democrats have to offer, and meanwhile Americans continue to ignore the best candidates we've seen in many years.
Educated democrats need to ask themselves if they are really willing to support the same candidate that Oprah is supporting.
It could be worse, however: at least she is not RUNNING for President herself.
And now on to "His Dark Materials."
I've been disturbed to see the Hollywood spin on this trilogy, describing it as a story about religion and a good fantasy film. A facebook group has even sprung up, called "Boycott the Boycotting of The Golden Compass." They claim that if you google the film, you will "see the ignorance," and that "atheists can write could fantasy as well."
Well, I googled it. What I found were major Secular/Atheist organizations griping that the book's "important anti-religious text and imagery" was largely absent from the film. I found quotes from the book which can only qualify as blatantly anti-Christian and anti-religious in general. I found an eloquent argument by Catholic league President Donohue, who more than justifies the need for a boycott on these films.
"Have you read it, Mark?"
Nope. I don't read every piece of crap churned out by quasi-intellectuals trying to damage the Church.
I will take another perspective on this issue. I first read "The Lord of the Rings" in the 8th grade, and the effect it had on me was profound. At the time, I had no idea I was being inculcated with virtues of manliness, faith, friendship, and courage, and idealism. All I knew is that the books spoke to the little man in me, and gave me permission to become a better version of myself. They also fired my imagination in a new way, and opened the door wide to a life of creativity.
We should not underestimate the power of stories -- they have the potential to shape and change lives. Hopefully, these changes are for the better. When they weren't writing them, both Lewis and Tolkien spoke and wrote extensively on the power of "faerie" stories. Lewis believed that stories could speak in a way that moved beyond philosophy and reason, expressing truth at the soul-level.
With the reams and reams of quality fantasy available to young readers, the atheist ravings of Pullman have no space on the bookshelf in any child's room. Bravo to the boycott, I say.
Just remember this: it is NEVER "just" a story, "just" a movie, or "just" a song. Meanings carry more deeply, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.
I just hope that Oprah doesn't add Pullman to her book club. Her Dark Materials, indeed.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
The Fear in our Lives
We are all affected by fear.
Little wonder, then, that people pick the easy major, the easy career, the easy spouse, the timely marriage/investment/retirement package/golf-course membership. Waiting for the right moment is hard. Sticking to your ideals is harder.
I consider myself to be a person of action, of energy, of enthusiasm, and often of courage. I have been called idealistic, stubborn, and kind. Therefore, one of the most difficult realizations I have come to about myself in the past year is that I am a person full of fear. I make many more decisions based on fear than I would care to admit to.
To help matters further, I am surrounded by folks of all different stripes, equally as fearful as I am.
On the surface, of course, it is not so. On the surface, I am the person I described in the first full paragraph of this article, and I make my decisions accordingly.
There is something to be said for self-examination, however, and my deepest self-analysis has shown me things I would rather not have encountered. I fear rejection, I fear failure, and I feel being alone.
Those I know best all seem to share similar deep-set fears, and it is shocking when we realize where the deepest currents of our conscience lie. It is shocking when we realize how deeply these dark currents move and affect us.
A very wise friend of mine once said that "we are children of God, and therefore we cannot be children of fear. Fear does not come from God -- it comes from the other."
How absolutely true.
While it has been painful, I'm exploring these fears now, because I know that it is the only way I can be truly faithful and brave in my life.
I'm not sure entirely why I wrote this blog, aside from my desire to vent my own frustrations while encouraging others to conquer their own deep-set existential fears.
I do not want to be motivated by fear: I want to live in hope.
"Be not afraid," the wise-men have echoed through the ages.
I'm trying.
Little wonder, then, that people pick the easy major, the easy career, the easy spouse, the timely marriage/investment/retirement package/golf-course membership. Waiting for the right moment is hard. Sticking to your ideals is harder.
I consider myself to be a person of action, of energy, of enthusiasm, and often of courage. I have been called idealistic, stubborn, and kind. Therefore, one of the most difficult realizations I have come to about myself in the past year is that I am a person full of fear. I make many more decisions based on fear than I would care to admit to.
To help matters further, I am surrounded by folks of all different stripes, equally as fearful as I am.
On the surface, of course, it is not so. On the surface, I am the person I described in the first full paragraph of this article, and I make my decisions accordingly.
There is something to be said for self-examination, however, and my deepest self-analysis has shown me things I would rather not have encountered. I fear rejection, I fear failure, and I feel being alone.
Those I know best all seem to share similar deep-set fears, and it is shocking when we realize where the deepest currents of our conscience lie. It is shocking when we realize how deeply these dark currents move and affect us.
A very wise friend of mine once said that "we are children of God, and therefore we cannot be children of fear. Fear does not come from God -- it comes from the other."
How absolutely true.
While it has been painful, I'm exploring these fears now, because I know that it is the only way I can be truly faithful and brave in my life.
I'm not sure entirely why I wrote this blog, aside from my desire to vent my own frustrations while encouraging others to conquer their own deep-set existential fears.
I do not want to be motivated by fear: I want to live in hope.
"Be not afraid," the wise-men have echoed through the ages.
I'm trying.
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